So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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