You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
