will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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