Swine flu. Run for my life!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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