Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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