i permit you to call me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
