just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
