So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
