gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
