I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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