We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
