Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
