I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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