i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
