dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
