dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
