I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im part way to drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
