my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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