Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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