Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
