Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
MIDGETS
????
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
