I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
