Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
