Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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