I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
