Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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