dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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