cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
