Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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