I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
