Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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