So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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