I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
