dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
