i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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