I just pynch a tree in the face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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