Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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