Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
