dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize