He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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