Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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