I'm so fucking centered right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
