i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
