Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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