This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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