she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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