My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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