Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
