This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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