all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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