Everything about him screamed your future.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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